my ex narcissist hasn't contacted me

I meant that sometimes really nice, trusting people lack adequate boundaries. When I was a kid, like 5 years old or something my best friend had a German Shepard dog as a pet. I feel blessed to have found such support here reading. I left my relationship and moved to another state to escape my situation. His cold and indifferent. he tried to seperate me and my daughter . Kim, is it safe to say that one of the main differences between a NPD and BPD (besides the fear of abandonment) is that BPD behavior is more on the non-malignant side and NPD IS malignant? what if one day she will come forward and say.. They often cannot function in even simple, daily tasks. After those promisses with tears in his eyes? No he way too skilled to do it that way. Ellen, Anon is absolutely correct. One thing in my favor is that I dont feel in love with my narc anymore, but I do feel a lot of compassion and friendship for him. If you think about it, its what separates us from them. WHY DO I WANT HIM BACKWHY CANT I JUST FORGET ABOUT HIMIM SCARED THANKS FOR HEARING ME OUT, You have to realeyes that being involved with an narc is no thing like being with someone who is not a narc. Mine apologized for the first time in five years when she realized I wasnt coming back. Oh, apart from a Dear John at my workplace, He ended our 4 year entanglement over the phone. My god do I wish id have left things then but it sucked me in. Hugs. When he dated her, he attended her annual family outings. There is so much more I could share but I know this has already gone on. I have a question. I got extremely frustrated with his ambiguous, incoherent behavior, his cavalier attitude and thought he was acting in a cowardly manner and told him so. If he comes to my door, Im not answering. Eden, the nerve they have popping in and out and around our lives like nothing is soooo unsettling and weird to the norm, but he is not normal so he would probably in his mind (which we know does not function properly) feel it is ok. That is what sets us apart from them. I enjoyed her ways and I know it sounds insane but I could just sit and listen to her talk and watch her eat. However, out of the blue, your ex unblocked you but hasn't reached out. But he did not react. Even someone you only knew a short time can cause years of emotional damage. I keep going back and forth and only keep hurting myself over and over. My siblings, the golden child and enabler. You can check out my healing tools here on the site for starters. I feel like an idiot now, but the penny only really dropped for me about 5 months ago, about who and what Cameron really was. The person Im with is a narcissist when I dont do one little thing its all over he says hes moving out hes told me he was going to leave like 20 times but doesnt go anywhere hes 50 Im 39 . Throughout our relationship he was abusive in every way. And not fair to myself. Present day he has come crying back to me wanting to work on things I have given in twice and found that after a couple weeks of my return his attempt to make things right dwindled and began to fall into the same pattern. Pray to Jesus Carole. Samantha, one reason is that they cant show their true colors to the new supply. He is a tortured soul. after 3 month no contact this is what he said in a private message on FB: I miss jXXX (grandchild). Please read this article. I do miss the good times which were few but not the bad ones. The reason you feel this way is not only because of how you were treated but because youve effectively internalized the way the narcissist has conditioned you to feel. So, having read on all these since 2009 so far, I concluded, THIS IS MY VERY SUBJECTIVE CONCLUSION, I WOULDNT TELL ANYONE TO TAKE THIS AT THE FACE VALUE.. all Cluster B disorders COME WITH NPD ANYWAY. Im sorry for your pain. So i was writing everything down only to read back a whole lot of beginnings with the beginnings of another event as the ending! So, when the cops called they said unfortunately they couldnt charge him because he now is alleging I theeatened too. I am trying to find a job and use the bus with my child for transportationBut he called me saying that he does not understand why I need distance and felt like I used him (i felt also used as his promises for me finding a reliable job and be free fell through)he said that I should make it easy on myself and live with him or stay with my child in his guest house (! He attempted a hoover January 2020. Having an ex unblock you can do a real number on your psyche; you tend to overthink, question their motives, feelings towards you, and most importantly, your feelings towards your ex. -Walking on eggshells if you are yourself It explained all the craziness I couldnt understand about our relationship. Weeks before she blocked me, she exclaimed that I was such an AMAZING friend, and I have the biggest, most caring heart of anyone she knows. She has a bad cocaine problem, and yes I suppose I did try to control that and get her into rehab. In other words, they may sometimes treat you well, even though youve been discarded since long ago and you may not even realise it. Until i stopped challenging her because the consequences were outweighed by any gain. I installed an number blocker on my phone just in case. My words to him were I forgive you because I know you are a tortured soul. I hope you get some help because I think you have a lot of potential. I felt your comment ad if it was me saying it. All to cover deep insecurities and traumas. Say to him to stay away for ever and nothing to do with him anymore. Eden your post could have been written by me. Great insight about toxic narcissists! I have a question I understand everything in your post and agree, but why would the narcissit ex contact you again when they have a new girlfriend who clearly supplies them of what He wants and worshipps him. So when I saw his truck pull into my driveway, I came out my house while on my phone and slowly strolled down the ramp (I have a handicapped ramp) and went to my car to get a paper that I needed to get as he pulled up. Youd love it. document.getElementById( "ak_js_2" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Free Training 7 Proven Strategies to Defeat Narcissistic Abuse. I should have recognized it. Again, take everything he says with a grain of salt. That would help you work out your feelings without losing your dignity in regards to giving him the chance to make you feel rejected again. He will just pull you into all the drama and also he is not a sincere friend. Now you've learnt about narcissism, you know all you need to know and what to expect, yet your missing that one piece, the hoover, they just haven't bothered to hoover you, you know all the ways they do this, yet the narcissist you once knew hasn't bothered with any hoover. Trust me. The last outing he attended was 19 years ago. It was a problem when I found out that he and his friends have been flirting at work and outside work until the girl slowly detached from him as she fell in love with him. They don't like change, least of all change instigated by someone else. He knows i should drifting on pink clouds when he contacts me. Just give it time. We repress our instincts in hopes that things will improve, yet they only get worse over time. Were both the same age. I responded and got no reply. I was blocked on her facebook He thought he was doing it to me but after talking to her, he knew that if she could call me, then I must be ignoring him. Even when things are good you feel like you are standing on quicksand. Someday, it may be you on the other end of that hoover calculation theyre making. The look in his eyes I will never forget, they were dark piercing and nothing no emotion. How is that possible!? I think this time finally he gets it. Narcissists never stop hungering for power, control, and self-gratification. The dynamic is different from normal in so far as this is a group of people who take part in a sport I dont actually have to specifically spend time with this person but he is always there an omnipresence and vocal with it as you would expect its all about him the notion that he is as I suspect him to be is quite unambiguous. I cannot and will not respond to this letter or give this man any facetime or interaction with me again though. My ex used to brag about how well he and his ex got along. Your ex can't be resilient if they were hurt by your actions. Hi Kim I am seeing thats it really isnt me. Pictures of them in her bed and how much of a man he was between the sheets. When I woulnldnt shop at the high dollar stores for him when I shopped at thrift stores I was being stingy. Hugs and healing to you. But it became a pattern where I felt like crap for whatever reason with her put downs etc. So many times when the behavior was so odd I would think that is just the way woman are sometimes. I will never see my loving daughter again from this mess, as she is studying in France. I dont want to have this baby alone. Wouldnt he get job out of this, instead of keeping me away from it? or wherever he was getting his rocks offthat i couldnt tell youwell, admittedlyi flew into a rage and saw redthat night as he slept, i decidedly, without words, wanted to express to him my new found discovery of his hidden true colors by taking a large Vaseline Jar to his yummy treasures hed been enjoyingbc he certainly wasnt enjoying mei put on a glove and swabbed it with a huge goop of the greasy mixture and smeared it all over the inside of this gym bagYou might be saying to yourself, that was a little high-schoolish and immature and irresponsible, well maybe but I suppose i had reached a point of now return and this was my breaking point after years of abusebut in hindsight, he couldve killed me for pulling a stunt like thatI will never forget the 5am reaction while i lay motionless and breathless in my bedi heard him rise, get ready for his ritualistic morning routine for getting to the gym, the sound of movement became less vague, more pronouncedthen under-your-breath slurs shes a bitchheavy foot-steps, then a crash thru my locked bedroom doorgrabbed me out of my bed and thru me against the walltook both hands and smashed everything on my bureau mirrored vanityglass everywherethen looked me straight in the eye with his hands tightened around my neck and announces.your outta hereheavy abuse followed this incident which was planned and premeditated in getting me evicted from my home we shared even so far as to accuse my mental state, which i have to admit was affected by this mans abuse by pushing me past my limits which is what would happen to any sane person at the hands of a NARC like thisnot long after this occurred he set me up and had police arrest me under the guise i was a harm to myself and my child which he used as leverage and weaponry to execute his planhow sick someone could do this to another human being is beyond me while never being able to admit it is himself that is the damaging element in this volatile relationship, all along! He remembers everything I say and twists and turns it intoto something awful he can verbally abuse me with. -Not giving partner recognition for things that normally would be considered very nice gestures of sharing but always expecting recognition for theirs That I was done. Ellen, seems to me YOU have the power now, not him! Block him from texting, calling, email, FB. In my mind he was not taking responsibility for his own words and actions. I didnt go for very long because I couldnt afford the expense but it was helpful. However, a large part of the reason we feel an attachment is often because of trauma-bonding and the mental/physical addiction that occurs as a result of emotional abuse and manipulation. Try to remember that when things get rough. Ive blocked him before only to unblock him for some mystifying reason but I suspect this time he will stay blocked. Im not healed and am still trying to get my head around the fact our entire relationship was a lie. He will never change, hes not capable. If Im not sure about something, its okay if it doesnt quite work but when I know that I want something I dont want anything to get in the way. One thing I noticed is that these Ns do NOT like to know about your problems and weaknesses. It has been over 2 yrs that my ex broke up w me according to him because I send an old guy friend a meme I LOVE YOU FRIENDETC SEND TO 15 OF YOUR FRIENDS. I can assure you that if your Ex is indeed, BPD or NPD, she is not happy with the new guy. But I really dont think there is hope for them. Thanks Anon, if he only cares about appearances why is he so indifferent to losing the material things he once treasured so highly?? Because the child in your heart Always excist. My ex was a fullfledged NARC to the tee. I believe she was a waif borderline; much more passively aggressive and secret about things which messed with my head worse than the others. 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