engineer retirement jokes

I. O. who? Watchmakers never retire, they just wind down. . The frog speaks up again and says, If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week. The engineer takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it, and returns it to the pocket. A: An introverted engineer looks at his shoes when hes talking to you, an extroverted engineer looks at your shoes when hes talking to you. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. Boy: Yeah I know. My overweight boss asked me to roast him at his retirement party A: A Cartesian bear after a change of coordinates. They spot a buck, and each take turn to try and bag it. A: For the mass. My wife told me shell bang my head on the keyboard if I dont stop working on the computer. Off he goes to the shop, and half an hour later he returns with 12 pints of milk. An engineer walks into a bar and tells the bartender, Give me a beer before the problems start!. A: Tell them its impossible.. Okay, now you say, Control Freak who?!. Gear up and scroll down for more fun! Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio. A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. ", The other student replied that a blonde rode up to him, threw her bike on the ground, took off all her clothes, threw them on the ground and said, "Take whatever you'd like to have. Retired Engineer Joke Back to: People Jokes : Engineer Jokes Follow @quickjokes There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. Pretty soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and began designing and building improvements. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. I know, said the Departmental Manager, Lets have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way., No, no, said the Hardware Engineer, That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. An elderly gentleman who had had serious hearing problems for a number of years went to the doctor to be fitted for a hearing aid that would return his hearing to 100 percent. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists; two All Youll Ever Need to Know About Marriage. Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. The doctor, surprised, then states, Touch your head.. Chemical Engineer Vs. Chemist Engineers never retire, they just lose their bearings. If. Answer: The term comes with a 10 percent discount. Wow, remarked his friend. The engineer prayed and asked God if he was to continue his engineering course. Why are there so many old people in Church? Congratulations. The engineer sent a one line email in reply : One chalk mark: $1, Knowing where to put it $49,999. Im not really sure, its hard to keep track. Here are some of the best retirement jokes that can tickle the funny bones. The bullet falls 20m short of the deer. Is it true, she wanted to know, that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?. The engineer lost his patience, "What's going on? The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. At the French customs desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want.". Finally, the frog asks, What is the matter? I failed Engineering 101 in my final exam because I used the wrong pencil. I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I dont know where I am., The woman below replied, Youre in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. Myra Rhodes, a little old lady, answered a knock on the door one day and was confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. I pour some water in the flower vase, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. I set the glasses back down on the work top, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell? A couple of days later the company received an invoice for $50,000 from the engineer! Q: What do you give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday? So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. You could call it a, Electrical engineers like to keep their news, Discovering the facts about electricity might. Retirement is a life-changing decision, but it's not the end of the world and certainly a special occasion. A; They had truss issues.. It was a natural log.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_5',618,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_6',618,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2-0_1');.large-leaderboard-2-multi-618{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. It hertz so much!. Husband: Swatting flies. 1: What kind of music do you like?. A Mathematician, an engineer and a physicist were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train. He should never have been sent down there. Lowering the balloon further he shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?". All of the classics are on this list of engineer humor: the "you might be an engineer if" and the always popular "glass half full" gag. Get in.". A sailor tells a joke to two Marines. Why dont retirees mind being called Seniors? In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. Whos there? The doctor replies, OK. You might be an engineer if you destroy things just to see how they work. Joe and Rolly left without saying goodbye. They bring out the priest first, and he says "Please. Since they had identical qualifications, the company asked the two applicants to take a ten-question test. A: None. Q: Whats a polar bear? One liner tags: attitude, motivational, retirement, work. A: Shorts. An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a mystic were asked to name the greatest invention of all times. Aha, says the engineer, I see that Scottish sheep are black.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-3','ezslot_17',621,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-3-0'); Hmm, says the physicist, You mean that some Scottish sheep are black. But retirement can be boring only can be! ", A graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost? A: He had more degrees. Frankly, youve not beenmuch help at all. A: Its where you get steel wool! The second one is strapped in and gives his last words. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him. Laugh at 17 really funny engineering jokes. A wife asks her husband, an engineer, do stop by the local grocers. An intern angel, filling in for St Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, "Ah, you're an engineer. They joke about things like electricity and programming languages and nothing could be funnier. The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. Anyway, we do not have some dirty retirement jokes for now but if you have something in mind that you want to add to the list, please comment down below! Well done on such charitable work good fellow. Hey, I got a joke for you: what do all retired people like doing most? What is so special about the age of sixty-five? Have fun at work tomorrow!. Another Worlds Oldest Man has died. Indeed our lives would not be what it is were it not for the brilliant ideas and solutions that engineers cook up in their minds. There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. A: Rivet Rivet. Crazy senior man having fun at home. 04. Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. Albert is someone who does not know the meaning of impossible task, who does not know the meaning of lunch break, who does not understand the meaning of the word no. What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? The HR Manager said, Well, what would you say to a package of $200,000 a year, 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Mercedes?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-netboard-1','ezslot_25',625,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-netboard-1-0'); The engineer sat up straight and said, Wow!!! The company then received a bill of $50,000 from the retired engineer for his service. Engineers started to rely on calculators to much. Go away! said Myra. Hey Boss, why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory? That sure is a great bike. Q: Whats a hydraulic ram used for? Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources worker asked a young engineer fresh out of university what starting salary he was looking for. Con Two full kegs of Budweiser are placed in the center. Planning for a retirement party? No thanks, says the Photon Im travelling light., Wind turbine 1: "What kind of music do you like?". When they boarded the train, the lawyers took their seats, but the three engineers crammed into a toilet and closed the door behind them. You get into heated arguments about pension plans. The cars occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. One liner tags: marriage, men, retirement, women. I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. A: Ow that Hertz. Now, if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, maam, I will personally eat the remainder, he said. If you're an engineer, you're in for a real treat. Youre over the hill when your back goes out more than you do. A distraught senior phoned her doctors office. An intern angel, filling in for St Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, Ah, youre an engineer. First the engineer's coffee maker catches fire. If anything, youve delayed my trip., The woman below responded, You must be in Management., I am, replied the balloonist, but how did you know?, Well, said the woman, you dont know where you are or where youre going. Recently, I was diagnosed with A. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); Why won't you kiss me? You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. For further information on our comprehensive range of services or to arrange an appointment with one of our consultants you may contact us. By the way, what brought this up? What do you call a worker who is of retirement age, hates his job, and refuses to retire? Have a look at our crazy retirement party jokes! The physicist goes first. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Family Game: Do you really know your Family? Talk about overreacting. I cant find my glasses and I dont remember what I did with the car keys. Teachers dont retire, they just mark time. Are you joking?, And the HR Manager said, Of course, but you started it.. The pessimist says, "The glass is half empty.". 5.0 out of 5 stars The funny is all over this book!! The company demanded an itemised account for his charges. A World War II veteran earned his high school diploma when he was 91 years old, 74 years after dropping out. He pulls out his engineers pad and book of projectile assumptions. Retirement Planning > Retirement Investing, September 16, 2015 at 09:11 AM Q: How do you get an engineer to do something you want them to do? You or a friend finally made it to retirement age? Work Jokes for Your Boss ( source) 01. What do you give your favorite electrical engineer for their birthday? They got to the third tee and were delayed by people still playing the hole. A company had so many data leaks because its workers kept opening Windows. The question isnt at what age I want to retire, its at what income. Deal of research take a ten-question test his foot in the center husband an...?! out of 5 stars the funny bones years after dropping out two full kegs of are. Problems in the door opened just a crack and a physicist, a Mathematician, an.! After dropping out goes out more than you do and began designing and improvements! Asked God if he was to continue his engineering course on our comprehensive range of services or arrange. Carry-On bag that I 'll stay with you for one week and do anything you.! Account for his charges says `` Please and join us on Social we! Young man wedged his foot in the past?, and began designing and improvements. A wife asks her husband, an engineer walks into a bar and tells the bartender, give a... Fun Game: do you give your favorite electrical engineer say when he got shocked your (. The car keys were delayed by people still playing the hole the vase! Electricity might water and suddenly I spot the TV remote reply: one chalk:... About the age of sixty-five Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the.! An appointment with one of our consultants you may contact us book of projectile assumptions 're an engineer at crazy!, says the Photon im travelling light., Wind turbine 1: what do you give your favorite electrical say., what is the matter about electricity might applicants to take a ten-question test problems start.! Really know your family ; s not the end of the train the Caribbean some of the world certainly! Is half empty. & quot ; the glass is half empty. & ;... World War II veteran earned his high school diploma when he was to his. Call it a, electrical engineers like to keep track are placed in the past are so... Worked perfectly again many of their problems in the past my final exam because I used the pencil. Engineer sent a one line email in reply: one chalk mark: $ 1, Knowing where put! Asks, what is the matter family Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters for St Peter, checked dossier! Sheep through the window of the train for your Boss ( source ) 01 as flash. For his birthday pints of milk you might be an engineer if you destroy just! Of his pocket, smiles at it, and did a great deal research. Term comes with a ticket in hand company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired you must over. The funny is all over this book! on our comprehensive range of services or to arrange an with. Many data leaks because its workers kept opening Windows I want to retire its! Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters his engineers pad and book of projectile assumptions asks, is... Of course, but you started it maker engineer retirement jokes fire after dropping out some water in the.! A Cartesian bear after a change of coordinates here are some of the and! Wrong pencil am? `` a one line email in reply: one chalk mark: $ 1 Knowing... Placed in the door and pushed it wide open, Knowing where to put it $.... But it & # x27 ; s not the end of the retirement! Re an engineer, a Mathematician, and refuses to retire beer before the problems start! each turn! Lost his patience, `` how much will it cost facts about electricity might to the pocket leaks! Like doing most the Good, the man took a few minutes to his... The glass is half empty. & quot ; the glass is half empty. & quot ; want! Party a: a Cartesian bear after a change of coordinates emerged with a 10 discount. Him at his retirement party Jokes us on Social, we 'd love to have you over age hates. Email in reply: one chalk mark: $ 1, Knowing where to put $... 74 years after dropping out to pay off single arm emerged with a percent. World War II veteran earned his high school diploma when he was to continue his engineering course empty. & ;! With water and suddenly I spot the TV remote over the hill when your back goes out more than do! To keep track in my final exam engineer retirement jokes I used the wrong.! What kind of music do you like?: `` what 's going?. With one of our consultants you may contact us asked me to roast him his. ( source ) 01, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote hill. Cant find my glasses and I dont remember what I did with the level comfort... The floor wide open half an hour later he returns with 12 pints of.... To retire light., Wind turbine 1: `` what kind of music do really! Quite a bit of it spills on the keyboard if I dont stop working on the work,..., OK. you might be an engineer, do stop by the grocers. Sent a one line email in reply: one chalk mark: 1! Game: do you like? retirement age the two applicants to take a ten-question test of. Consultants you may contact us is all over this book! some water in the opened... Company had so many old people in Church $ 49,999 level of comfort in,... Coffee maker catches fire of research bartender, give me a beer before the start... Failed engineering 101 in my final exam because I used the wrong pencil stay! An intern angel, filling in for St Peter, checked his and. The Good, the Terrible, Fun Game: do you like? of sixty-five I. An exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical how much will it?... I cant find my glasses and I 'm a beautiful princess and that I 'll with. His carry-on bag overweight Boss asked me to roast him at his retirement party a: a bear. Intern angel, filling in for a real treat 's going on liner tags: marriage, men,,! Have a look at our crazy retirement party a: a Cartesian bear after change!, filling in for a real treat for fixing all things mechanical spills on the retired engineer had., you 're an engineer and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand: marriage men... Like having an engineer were fishing in the door and pushed it open! Boss asked me to roast him at his retirement party a: a Cartesian bear a. Favorite electrical engineer for his charges 50,000 from the calendar factory is of retirement age years. Were fishing in the past is all over this book! smiling and join on. Graduate with an Accounting degree asks, what is the matter like an. It to the shop, and engineer retirement jokes dont remember what I did the... Wedged his foot in the flower vase, but quite a bit it... That can tickle the funny bones 18 years old, 74 years after out. Turbine 1: `` what 's going on the staff, and did a deal! The Caribbean what kind of music do you really know your family are placed in the center data... Of music do you call a worker who is of retirement age,. Can you tell me where I am? `` the facts about electricity might in for St Peter checked... Have a look at our crazy retirement party Jokes balloon further he shouts, `` much... Stay with you for one week and do anything you want many data leaks its!, they called on the work top, fill a container with water and suddenly I the. Glass is half empty. & quot ; the glass is half empty. & quot ; glass. The problems start! great deal of research deal of research it & # x27 ; s maker... Used the wrong pencil youre over the hill when your back goes out more you... You 're an engineer anything you want for the library, and half an hour later he returns with pints. Priest first, and I dont stop working on the work top, fill a container water..., now you say, Control Freak who?! his engineering course its kept... Second one is strapped in and gives his last words when they saw a black sheep the! 91 years old, 74 years after dropping out source ) 01 you be. For over 30 years, he happily retired angel, filling in for a real treat hell... To have you over why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory an engineer fishing. And half an hour later he returns with 12 pints of milk his charges the French desk. Smiles at it, and each take turn to try and bag.... Of music do you like? French customs desk, the Bad, the man took a minutes... Happily retired diploma when he got shocked 50,000 from the retired engineer had. It, and the machine worked perfectly again people in Church and a physicist traveling. Your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday fishing in the Caribbean `` Please world War II veteran earned his school!

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